RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – People who live under the same roof know each other’s routine well, they understand when someone is ecstatic or down and they know what their greatest aspirations are, right? Not necessarily – and this became crystal clear when the pandemic hit, and the family’s day-to-day life was turned upside down, showing that being side by side is not always a synonym of intimacy and reversing seemingly immutable arrangements.
As soon as confinement became inevitable, parents embraced the home office; children, distance learning; everyone began to breathe a single breath; the pressure increased; and the rest is history. There was excessive coexistence, stress, arguments, and even break-ups. But what has emerged from this, now that daily life is slowly beginning to return to normality, are ties deeply refashioned by circumstances and, overall, stronger.
Several studies have served as a thermometer to assess the impact on homes across the planet, including in Brazil – a global gust that rocked the relationship between adults and children and brought these two worlds together. One of the studies, conducted by Harvard University’s school of education in the United States, shows that parents who used to be distant from their children’s universe eventually became aware of their interests and afflictions like never before: 68 percent claim to have become closer to their offspring, and this was based on many conversations.
“We observed that most parents, commonly consumed by their work, developed a new sense of family,” summarizes Rick Weissbourd, co-author of the study. A British government survey helps shape the twist – six out of ten adults interviewed acknowledge that, while quarantined, they have significantly raised their care for the youths who have lost their way. “In the beginning, there was tremendous disorganization and chaos, but those who made an effort to improve the dialogue and overcome the adjustment stage had a very positive balance,” says psychologist Ceres Araujo, a doctor in human communication disorders at UNIFESP (Federal University of São Paulo).
The unexpected dismantling of life as it was forced the acquisition of new habits, not without pain or conflict. And then children and teenagers who used to contribute little (or nothing) to household chores, made by employees who were temporarily sent home or by their own parents, had to step in.
“It seems that the pandemic will leave as a legacy a more equal division of basic household chores and a greater unity of families,” says Regina Szylit, director of the University of São Paulo School of Nursing, who launched a survey that focuses on the changes in family ties in these strange times. Adults were also forced to adjust to the new dynamics of divisions since delegating is not always trivial.
“No one will do things my way, I know, but I realized that the children liked to have more responsibility and to feel useful, which is a breakthrough,” says digital influencer Marcela Laranjeiras, 38, from Rio de Janeiro and mother of four children ranging from five months to 13 years of age.
The fact that families have experienced the turbulence together has also brought them closer. There were job losses and the financial adjustments affected everyone. “We moved into a smaller apartment and I feared that my three children would suffer. I was criticized for showing myself vulnerable to them, but in the end, it made them mature,” says photographer Vivian Manzur, 38, from Brasília, who during the crisis had an emotional sense that gave her great satisfaction. “My husband and I became more interested in the children’s activities and got to know them better,” she says.
That said, it may sound too idyllic, which by no means this experience actually is. But, yes, in this scenario of so many deprivations, certain precious abilities were exercised for the first time – from rationally and delicately sharing the space within the same apartment to knocking on the door of the teenage son to engage a subject on which silence was weighing.
New hobbies were also developed at home, in an attempt to fill the time that lingered with confinement. Talita Tavares, 37, a physical education teacher from São Paulo’s countryside, is the main motivator of a kind of news program that her sons Arthur, 7, and Caetano, 5, began producing with their half-sister, Gabriela, 25, on YouTube. “This way, I understand better how they are facing this moment,” reflects Talita.
At this point, it is only natural that everyone wishes to cut the cord, ideally preserving what coexistence in such an atypical context has left of more value. “I confess that we spent so long together that I miss having moments just for myself,” says the physical education teacher, who gives voice to a very human desire of a large group. A survey by the American Society of Psychology found that stress has been felt more vigorously by those who have children at home.
“A sense of relief is expected with the flexibility and return to normality,” says family therapist Lidia Aratangy. However, some already miss the immersion, as described by actor Thiago Fragoso, 38, who has just restarted the recording of ‘Salve-se Quem Puder’, a Globo Network telenovela. “Despite going to the studios every two weeks, it was a shock to get away from the daily care of the children,” says the father of Benjamin, 9, and Martin, 5 months old, married to actress Mariana Vaz, 41. And thus, set to adjust to each new day, the post-pandemic humanity progresses.
Source: Veja